Momma Had a Baby and Her Head Popped Off.

Written by on August 6, 2012 in Family - No comments | Print this page

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Remember that rhyme we’d sing with dandelions, as children? “Momma had a baby and her head popped off.” Well I get it now…I TOTALLY GET IT. 

I’m going to assume that I’m not the only parent out there who often feels like their brain is waging an illegal strike, refusing to perform essential services such as straight thoughts and coherent speech.   Somebody please tell me I’m not alone?  I’m an intelligent, articulate, well spoken individual with a professional background and a confident tone. Put me in a room with my children, and 30 seconds later I can’t tell you what day of the week it is, where I was born or how to spell H-E-L-P.  My brain stages a walkout and all systems fail from that point on. I start saying weird things like, “why didn’t you put your books in the toaster like I asked you?” or “go brush your legs!”  My confused little ones just stare at me for a moment and then burst into maniacal laughter (I’m not sure if they think I’m hilarious or if they are celebrating the successful destruction of my ability to function – either way, it’s not very nice.)      

I have joked with my husband that if ever the authorities needed to get a criminal to confess to a crime, they would simply need to lock said criminal in a room with our children; said criminal would soon be found crying in a corner more than willing to  own up to ANYTHING;  it would be highly effective. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love my children dearly. They are amazing, smart, funny, lovely little creatures that bring great joy to my life.  However, they do not sit still, not ever, not even in their sleep.  Not to mention that they feel the intense need to attack me with screams of, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,” every time I so much as look at the telephone, try to use the washroom alone, sit down to eat a meal, engage in conversation with some being other than them, stare blankly out the window, or heaven forbid……..hide from them. Furthermore they are incredibly talented in the gamut of annoying sounds they can make from clacking to “nee nee nee”s to “bububububas”, to “mmmrrrrs;” there is literally no end to the variety and intensity of the seizure inducing noises they can produce.

(Other talents include, falling down while standing up, arguing over whether or not the sky is blue, perpetually begging me to search for a toy that could never be found, “decorating” the walls, and my absolute favourite putting things in their mouths, ears, noses, and butts)

I do not have enough fingers or the current spatial ability to count how many times a day I say “Get that out of your mouth,” or “Get your hand out of your pants!” (Sometimes both in the same sentence)

Momma had a baby and her head popped off. It’s true, it’s so painfully true.  Children subject us to highly effective psychological torture on a regular basis and that’s just “normal”. I love, love, love being a mother and believe that children are amazing gifts. However, they are also highly volatile, insanity inducing, ticking time bombs. It’s okay to admit (out loud) that your children drive you bonkers! Just as I am not afraid to admit that it is perfectly natural when driving around town with your children, to fantasize about jumping out the car door, at a red light, and running down the road like your hair is fire.

Maybe there is a higher purpose to all of this.  Just think, if writhing, shrill screeching aliens that spew slime and disagree with us ever descend upon earth to attack it’s people, us parents will be quite prepared for them will we not? Comforted? Sigh…me neither.

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About the Author

Jenessa Blanchet

I am a working mother of two, with a passion for writing and lending a literary helping hand to fellow parents and family enthusiasts. Born and raised on the west coast, I have a love of the outdoors; sailing, beaching and all things wonderful including constantly trying to keep a handle on family life. View all posts on Family Life.