How to Control Anger

Written by on July 9, 2012 in Lifestyle - No comments | Print this page


Don’t let your anger turn you into a monster.

We all find ourselves in frustrating situations from time to time.  Allowing your anger to get the best of you during those times of frustration, can result in dangerous consequences. Broken relationships, destroyed friendships, lost jobs and irreparable familial bonds are just a few outcomes when you don’t know how to control anger.

Hurtful words, once spoken, cannot be taken back.  No matter how many times you apologize or how many times you are forgiven, the reality of your words and/or actions still exist.  The best way to ensure discussions don’t turn into heated and destructive arguments, is to learn how to control your anger.

You don’t want your last conversation with someone to be filled with disrespectful and damaging words. Guess what?  Bad behavior stays with people.  Remember the infamous Christian Bale tirade?  Or the offensive racial slurs from Mel Gibson and Michael Richards (Kramer from Seinfeld)?

With the success of Charlie Sheen’s new show Anger Management, comes new light shining on the uncomfortable topic of anger.  Yes Charlie, you are now winning.

There are countless stories of road range taking deadly turns.  Why? Because, when you can’t control your anger it controls you.  Bad situations heighten to shocking and dangerous encounters.  Feelings are hurt, physical altercations ignite and tempers explode.

So what can you do? How do you prevent a small misunderstanding or miscommunication from turning into a full fledged war?  Here are seven steps to help you control your anger in the heat of the moment.

  1. Walk away or get off the phone.  The very best way to escape a soon to be bad situation is to get away from it.  If you realize a conversation is getting heated, calmly tell the other person that thing are getting out of control and it’s best that you talk about it later.
  2. Take deep breaths and count to ten.  You can do this either during the conversation or after you have walked away from the individual.  Once you have finished taking the deep breaths and have counted to ten, you should feel a bit calmer.  A clear head is helpful in keeping tempers calm and hurtful words at bay.
  3. Think before you speak. Practice listening to yourself. By the time an argument is finished, you might not even remember what you said. Try to focus on getting your point across to the other person versus saying hurtful things to anger him or her.
  4. Learn how to calmly convey your frustration with the situation.  If all you’re doing is yelling, taking cheap shots or being nasty, then you’re not trying to have a conversation.  You’re trying to purposely, hurt whomever you’re talking to.
  5. Identify solutions by trying to see the other person’s perspective.  Try to stay away from ‘you’ and focus more on conveying your point by using ‘I’ statements.  A conversation filled with ‘you this’ or ‘you that’ will quickly escalate into accusations. The other person will become defensive and lose sight of what you’re trying to say.  ‘I was disappointed when…’ ‘I felt betrayed when…’ ‘It made me uncomfortable when…’
  6. Imagine someone doing or saying the same things to you.  Yes, the golden rule is alive and well.  How easily we all forget that the same nasty words spewing from our mouths, can just as easily be shot in our direction.  If you don’t want to hear harsh words thrown in your direction like a dagger aimed for your heart, then don’t put them out there.
  7. Remember that your words can cause you to never see or hear from that person ever again.  Some lines should not be crossed. Once you burn certain bridges, realize that you can never rebuild them.  The last memory that individual will have of you, will be your angry, hurtful words.

After reading these seven tips to control anger, do you feel you learned anything that will help you during your next disagreement?  If so, what did you learn?

Image courtesy of chrisroll on


About the Author

Alana Johnson

Alana Johnson tries to enjoy the simple things in life and writes for the Lifestyle category on Quality Life Resources. Living in the small New England town of Norwalk, CT, she looks forward to the warm summer months. To submit your own article for my category, please click HERE. View all Self Improvement articles.