Are You the Other Woman?

Written by on July 12, 2012 in Relationships - No comments | Print this page


The modern Other Woman can be your neighbor, your sister, your daughter, or your friend.  She is a professor, a secretary, a lawyer, a model, a cashier, or a waitress.  In a survey, 79% of respondents said that having an affair with a married man was never acceptable, but 46% of them have done it.  More than half of them said they felt no regrets.

What is the appeal of the married man?  Before we judge and say that the participants of these affairs have a broken moral compass, let’s delve into why women choose to be these Other Women.  In the book The New Other Woman, the reasoning was simply that good, quality men are hard to find.  The older you get, the smaller the pool.  The author also said that men tend to “date down” and women “date up,” therefore it is even harder for the highly educated and professionally successful woman to find someone (Richardson, 1987).

The married man has been chosen to be a suitable mate by another woman and has indicated he wants a long-term relationship since he is married, both desirable traits that women seek.  Some of you may think it is pure evil, but some mistresses actually do enjoy the thrill of being able to poach a man from another woman.   When I was bartending in my younger days (as in a few years back), one woman in her mid-20’s boastfully said that her 50 plus year old boyfriend left his wife for her.  I stood there in disgust mainly because he was an out of shape, older guy who has a bit of money and she was a hot, young thing.  We all knew why she was with him.  Who am I to judge, right?  Okay, so I did judge.

Others have mentioned being too busy for a long-term relationship as a reason and that it was better to have someone in their lives than to have no one.  They can also enjoy their freedom and independence since they are technically still single.  Many have said they never planned on it and that it just happened.   One too many late nights at the office, huh?

You might be making excuses for your married boyfriend:  “His wife is a b***h and she doesn’t treat him well” or “He is only staying for the kids” or “his wife doesn’t give him what he needs and I do it for him.”

You can make as many excuses as you want, but remember that you are expendable to him.  You are an outsider.  You are the one he won’t ever publicly acknowledge to his friends and family.  Remember all the daddy issues you had of your father never showing up as promised?  Well, you might relive them because married men also tend to be extremely fickle and flaky.  He has family obligations, so no, he can’t be your date on a Saturday night as you had hoped.

Chances are, he won’t ever leave her for you, and if he does, remember he cheated on her, so he is capable of cheating on you as well.  It is ego-bruising, disappointing, and heartbreaking.  You might be lucky and snap out of it soon before it does hurt you and do some real damage.  Or you can be one of the unlucky ones who become his mistress for decades only to be told to F off in his death bed aka the mistress of designer Vera Wang’s father.  He refused her of any penny of his fortune and told her to leave him and his family alone as his health declined, despite being his loyal mistress for 30 years.  Choose your fate.




About the Author

M. Yu

M. Yu is a single, working professional who lives in New York City. She has eclectic interests, ranging from cancer research (her day job) to traveling to writing for the Relationship Category on QLR. She has an active dating life and views every life experience as a learning lesson. View all posts about healthy relationships.