How Not to End a Relationship

Written by on November 4, 2012 in Relationships - No comments | Print this page


How Not to End a Relationship

That sneaking, persuasive feeling that begins to settle around everything you do together, the burning annoyances and feelings of aggrievement: There is no denying that if a relationship doesn’t feel right deep down in your soul then it is time to call it a day.

Breaking up with someone that we have shared the most intimate of moments with is a like drinking too much cider and spending all night wrenching your guts up; it is a hideous process that we all have to go through at least once.

And while it is in no way a crime to go with what is your right for you and break it off with somebody, it can certainly seem like you are the villain of the piece. When you see the look on the other persons face when it clicks in their head as to what is going on…oh god!

What is a crime, however, is being so self-centred and egocentric that you decide it is a good idea to break up with your former lover in one of the following ways.

By saying “it’s not you, it’s me”

Although in the heat of the moment it might seem easy to fall back on some tried and tested clichés like the one above, or the old “I’m just not ready for a serious relationship right now.” But it is exactly because these phrases are so ubiquitous that they should be left well alone as your ex partner will only see them as you covering for the fact you have nothing meaningful to say.

Also, you should under no circumstances use the “I hope we can be friends” line. You are the one who is breaking up with the other person due to some feature of their character you don’t like, so you get no say as to whether you two are going to remain friends or not!

By Being Really Intoxicated

This works both ways; if either you or her, or both of you, are doing a fairly convincing pirate impression then it might be sensible to leave the festivities for another time.

By Phone, Text, Email or Facebook

The evolution of communication technology and the internet is supposed to make our lives easier yes, but it doesn’t mean you can cast off your responsibilities as an essentially decent human being. Imagine waking up, checking your Facebook and seeing that your partner has changed their relationship status during the night and is now nowhere to be seen. Brutal.

By Trying to Provoke the Other

This is just a mean and cowardly way to avoid your responsibilities as the person who wants to end the relationship, and is also likely to cause an extremely stressful and painful period in your life while you go out of your way to create a relationship warzone.

By Cheating 

Goes without saying really. If someone else has got your loins burning, do the honest thing and break up with your partner first. There are few more painful things then the feeling of abandonment and rejection that come with finding out you have been cheated on, and only horrible people like bankers or traffic wardens wish that kind of thing upon others.


It may seem like a good idea to do the break up away from any of your possessions, but by doing this the ensuing reaction is not contained at all. There is potentially no limit to the scene that could be created! Plus, if your partner is smart in a vindictive kind of way they will begin screaming about all of your secrets to anyone who cares to listen.

Plus the image of your partner in the supermarket, looking heartbroken with their shopping cart, abandonment feelings swelling up and tears forming in their eyes as strangers try and reach around them for the frozen peas…is a sad image indeed.

 Has anyone got any break up horror stories or other tips on how to go about it?

This is a guest post.  James Duvalis a freelance IT expert who has nursed himself back to health after a few break ups, although never one that took place in a supermarket. When not blazing through the countryside on his motorbike, James occasionally sits down and writes blogs for a number of partners, including the makers of Optilead Marketing Software.


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