Generations ago, couples tended to be from the same circle or family and friends – or met through family businesses or through working or studying together.
Marriages and relationships also tended to last as it was traditional to keep the family together – regardless perhaps of any indiscretions on the part of the partners involved.
However, more people in middle age are splitting up these days – and young people may not remain with their wife, husband or civil partner for more than a few years.
Some older men and women may also be left alone in later years if a partner dies or a first or second marriage breaks down.
Human beings still often crave a close relationship, however exciting the possibilities of meeting someone new and interesting might seem at first.
Here is how to protect your long-term relationship – and find someone who will stick with you through thick and thin.
Choosing a partner for a long lasting relationship
- If you are not looking for a long-lasting relationship, be honest and do not lead someone on, as this can be extremely damaging to another person when they discover it was only a bit of fun.
- Accept that Mr and Miss Exciting may not be all they seem: people often put on a social front which may make them seem extrovert and outgoing, but this could hide a shy person or someone who has been hurt.
- Seemingly dull people standing in the corner at social events can often turn out to be the really interesting ones, so always talk to people who may not be the life and soul of the party, as they could turn out to have a responsible job, a fascinating hobby or a ready wit once you get to know them.
- Look for compatibilities – if you are not a heavy drinker or don’t like smoking, falling for someone who drinks heavily and chain smokes is potentially going to be difficult long term.
- Remember love can be fickle – some people know instantly when they meet their life partner, but overwhelming attraction can turn out to be purely physical.
- Work out how you feel about children: meeting a date’s children can completely change your perspective on a relationship, and even if you are looking for someone without children, it can be possible to meet someone with a child and really want to take on caring for their children as part of a long-term commitment.
Building up your relationship
Shared memories and experiences are the glue of long-term relationships – not necessarily just the physical side of the relationship.
- Have plenty to talk about – discuss daily life, separate interests, politics, the news, your past life without your partner, so they have a complete picture of you.
- Be prepared for boredom – children especially like and expect their parents to be boring, so take this as a compliment, as boredom equals security: very few children want their parents to be more exciting than they are and that is why marriage is designed to be a bit boring.
- Be kind to your partner – you have chosen them, so remember to look at their good points and not concentrate on the bad.
- When things get choppy, buy your partner a small present – a bunch of flowers, a book they’ll like or cook a meal for them. It’s just nice.
- Other people are attractive, but you’re with someone special, so get over it and stay loyal if you want to protect your relationship.
- Be best friends: your other half is the person you should be able to tell everything to – so if you want to do something and know you won’t be able to tell them, you are on dangerous territory.
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This is a guest post. Sometimes people do not want to divorce but they prefer the idea of undergoing legal seperation which is also known as a judicial separation.