My Boyfriend Is Wonderful, But I Hate His Friends

Written by on June 14, 2012 in Relationships - 1 Comment | Print this page


Can’t we all just get along?  You are completely enamored with your significant other, but you can’t stand some of his friends.  There are a few different approaches you might want to consider:

1)      Why do you hate them so much?  Hate is a strong word.  What is it about them or what did they do to provoke such a strong emotion from you?  If they said something offensive to you, then let your boyfriend know.  He should address the situation.  Even if he thinks you are being too sensitive or he just doesn’t understand why you are so upset, he should still talk to his friend.

Are his friends terrible human beings?  What did they do to warrant such a title?  Cheating without remorse, sell drugs, do drugs, statutory rape?  Perhaps you feel like they may rub off on him.  There is no doubt that friends are small reflections of who he is and perhaps if they were such bad people in your eyes, you should consider if you really agree with the core beliefs he shares with them.  You can’t possibly have such a strong friendship bond unless you share some sort of core belief system.  Again, talk to him and explain why you don’t agree with what they do.  If his response is they are all different people and they won’t influence him, then he is being naïve.  Just make sure you aren’t being too judgmental without a probable cause.

Does he act differently when he is around them?  Maybe he is more childish or more of a jerk.  Let them have their “man time” if that is the case.  He should have a life aside from spending time with you anyway.  Are you just being too controlling and feel like he isn’t giving enough attention to you when he is around them?  Go hang out with your girls when he is spending time with them.  It would be beneficial if you had a separate life from him as well.

2)      Get to know them.  You cannot change people.  Do not make him choose between his friends and you.  It won’t be pretty.  Maybe you are being too harsh and judgmental about his friends.  This will take some effort, but if you man is worth it, get to know them.  It doesn’t mean you have to go and become best buddies with them.  Just try to see the good in them.  See what he sees in his friends.

3)      If it has been awhile and you still absolutely abhor them with a passion,then reconsider your relationship.  Chances are they were in his life long before you came around.  Also consider how much of a role that friend will be play in your boyfriend’s life.  If it is a once every few months outing, it is probably more worthwhile to just deal with it than to pick a fight.  If that friend is crashing at his place every weekend and you are also there, then it might get too unbearable.




About the Author

M. Yu

M. Yu is a single, working professional who lives in New York City. She has eclectic interests, ranging from cancer research (her day job) to traveling to writing for the Relationship Category on QLR. She has an active dating life and views every life experience as a learning lesson. View all posts about healthy relationships.