Red Flags – Things To Watch Out For When Dating

Written by on June 20, 2013 in Relationships - No comments | Print this page

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fear of datingWhen you meet someone for the first time (especially after being in touch with them online for a while) it can be all too easy to think they are Mr or Ms Right.

They may be saying and doing all the right things, but this may not be their true personality. People are often on their best behaviour when you first meet them.

In the interests of not wasting your time, knowing the danger signs or red flags from the very start can be really helpful. It can ensure that those niggles in the back of your mind are either put to rest or listened to.

You would think that when you reach your 40’s you would have come to know all the tricks of the trade when it comes to disaster dates. You have probably been through a few relationships and even a marriage or two.

But those first butterfly flutters of a fledging relationship are enough to make even the most critical person ignore some major danger signs. If your date does any of the following, you should tread carefully and be on your guard.

  • The date quickly descends into lots of drinking on behalf of your date. He or she seems more interested in getting drunk than getting to know you.
  • Your date makes it clear that there is more on the agenda than a nice night out. If they are pushing for “afters” on the first date, you should be very wary of going out with them again.
  • If your date treats other people in a disrespectful way, listen to what they are telling you. If the waitress has seen the sharp end of their tongue, there is a good chance it might be you next.
  • Has your date done nothing but talk about themselves all night? Not only is this very boring, it also means they are self absorbed and not open to your needs.
  • If your date states very early on that they are not seeking a long term relationship (and you are), cut your losses. You are not going to change their mind, so don’t waste any more precious time.
  • Any person who admits to cheating in a previous relationship is not a keeper.
  • Anyone who is going through a tricky and complicated divorce may be seeking rescue or could be using you to make their ex jealous. It might pay to give them a bit more time.
  • If your date doesn’t match their profile photo and their details don’t seem to match their actual real life – accept they are telling porkies and could do in the future. Of course they want to come across in the best possible light, but a ten year old photo and claims of being an airline pilot or a runway model are steps too far.
  • For those with children – any reluctance to mention the kids should be treated with suspicion. It has been claimed recently that most men will not mention they are fathers when they go on a date. Women may also avoid it because they worry about what the man will think. In both cases it smacks of only looking for short term fun and avoiding the big issues.
  • If at any point your friends ever tell you that your date is not right for you or that you have changed since seeing them, believe them. They can often see things which you may not.

The fact is that you may need to have a few dates before the right person comes along, but that is the fun of being single. But if you take note of these suggestions, you won’t be wasting your time on the people who will never make you happy. It just makes sense to use your dating time wisely and learn from each new experience.

Lyndon Ogden is a writer on love and relationships and the owner of websites such as www.over40datingsite.co.uk which caters for over 40 daters

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