Should You Propose?

Written by on June 5, 2012 in Relationships - No comments | Print this page

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Society expects us to follow the standard course of life: Childhood, Adulthood, Marriage, Kids, Become grandparents, etc.  If we don’t follow this path, namely the marriage and kids route, then people wonder if there must be something wrong with the person.  Parents start nagging you after age 25 and the pressure is on.

With so much pressure, it’s no wonder people rush into marriage and add to the 50% divorce rate 10 years later (or less or more).  Here are some good and bad reasons to get married:

1)      It’s the next logical step.  Whether you are marrying for love or for practical reasons, you have been with your girlfriend for 5 years and you need to fulfill everyone’s expectations.  How many times have you been to a family or social event where people ask you when you are getting married (especially if you have been together for a long time)?  Even if you can’t let go of the fact that you have an 8 or 10 year history with her, 10 years is nothing compared to a lifetime of unhappiness if you truly are not compatible with her.  Hope it doesn’t take 8-10 years to figure that out.

2)      You want it to work so badly.  Despite the fights and the breakups, you two always find a way to get back with each other because of your attachment even though you both know you have a toxic relationship.  You want the fairy-tale romance with the 2 kids and the white picket fence.   You will do anything to make it work and feel like making a big commitment like marriage will make things better.  If you are unhappy more often than happy, then stop beating a dead horse.  You might be missing out on something real with someone more compatible.

3)      You feel safe around her.  You can be yourself.  You feel like everything is perfect when you are with her.  She really is your other half and you feel like one soul in two bodies.  Okay, enough of the mushiness.  Bottom-line is, you trust her with everything, from finances to when you are feeling down to filling up your belly with food.  I know I mention food a whole lot.  It’s just that I love food. Anywayyyyyy…

4)      You are set in your career.  You finally finished graduate school and landed your dream career job.  Now you can afford that big rock that you are going to use for your proposal (should be equivalent to 3 months of pay, remember that!)

5)      She is pregnant.  And it’s yours.  This is a toss-up.   You want the kid to have that nuclear family of mom and dad, but who says you can’t be part of the child’s life even if you don’t marry her?  Taking responsibility doesn’t mean you definitely need to marry her if your relationship isn’t working.  All those arguments you have with her around the child is not a healthy environment to grow up in.  Then again, studies show that children thrive better in households with 2 parents.  Family vacation trips, here we come!

6)      You’ve discussed your future.  If she uses “us” when talking about the future, then you have a good chance of getting a yes.  If she keeps dropping hints about proposing, you will more than likely get a yes.   Go for it!

7)      She knows all your family and friends.  Is this just because you don’t want to step out of the familiar zone and introduce a new girl to them?  This goes back to living up to the expectations of family and friends.  They aren’t going to be life partners with her, but they do play a huge role in your marriage (depending on how much you let them be).  Don’t propose just to live up to everyone else’s expectations.  You wouldn’t want to add to the divorce statistics.

 

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About the Author

M. Yu

M. Yu is a single, working professional who lives in New York City. She has eclectic interests, ranging from cancer research (her day job) to traveling to writing for the Relationship Category on QLR. She has an active dating life and views every life experience as a learning lesson. View all posts about healthy relationships.