Ways To Mend a Broken Heart

Written by on June 15, 2012 in Relationships - No comments | Print this page

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Many of us have all felt it at one point in our lives or another.  Yes, that throbbing pain in your chest from hearing about a death of a loved one and of course….the death of your relationship.  The social psychologist, Ethan Kross, conducted a recent study of the connection between the heart and social rejection (Ex: being dumped).   The same regions of the brain that become active in response to painful sensory experiences are activated during intense experiences of social rejection, including a broken heart (Kross 2011).  Depending on just how deep your feelings were for you recent ex, the more intense your pain will feel, and the more you will probably feel like you want to disappear.

How is it possible to get past such a traumatizing experience?  Let me count the ways:

1)       Get Closure.  Think about the reason.  Learn from the reason.  Talk it out with her.   If she cheated on you, then there isn’t much explanation that needs to be done other than to walk out with your dignity intact.  By that, I mean to not allow her to seduce you back into her life so that she can betray your trust another time.  You are not a pushover and let her know that what she did was NOT alright by not giving her another chance to do it to you again.  If for some reason you absolutely want to forgive her and stay with her, just know that you will most likely live in paranoia that she might do it again.  That is not a way to live.  But hey, that is your prerogative.

2)      Acceptance.  You might be thinking about in the back of your mind that you two might get back together.  You cannot fully move on until you are actively trying to move on.  If you don’t want to move on just yet, then stop reading this right now.

3)      Take care of yourself.   So you did decide that you want to move on, huh?  Congrats!  We can now talk about taking care of yourself.  Work out.  Physical exercise releases those oh-so-good feelings.  What better way is there to get back at your cheating ex than to look super-hot and fit?  Work on making your body stronger to help support your fragile mental state right now.

4)      Allow yourself to yell, scream, be angry, whatever.  Do what you need to do to release that pent up anger, but make sure it won’t result in you being locked up from punching her out.  She is incredibly not worth marring your clean police record (Assuming that it is ::ahem::).  You may have lost a bit of faith in humanity since you really wonder how a person can be so vile and do something so messed up to another human being.

5)      Cut out all communication with her.  Perhaps she did not cheat on you and you two just had irreconcilable differences.  Whatever the reason is for the breakup, cutting out all communication is necessary if you want to truly move on.  Stop prolonging the on-again, off-again uncertainty.   Cut it out cold turkey.  If you two decide to be friends, it would have to be much later on.  This grieving period is a dangerous time because you will have a high chance of getting back together when you both know you shouldn’t.

6)      Eliminate your triggers.  Unfriend her on Facebook, stop following her on Twitter…or at the very least, take her off your Facebook newsfeed so that you won’t be reminded of her.  Yes, she was a significant part of your life, but this time period has to be all about re-defining and establishing the “I” and not the “We.”  If you want to be friends with her again later on, it would have to be much, much, much later on when you can honestly be just platonic friends.  Also, stop telling your sob story.  Okay, vent to a few friends, but that’s it.

7)      Hang out with friends.    You can’t quite cuddle with them like you used to with her, but they can make you feel good about yourself at least.  She isn’t making you feel good right now, that’s for sure.  Many times, if you have been cheated on, your ego causes your pain.  You will feel rejected, deceived, and embarrassed that she took you for a fool.  It can really undermine your self-confidence and rattle your self-esteem.  Do not waste precious time thinking about her. Do you really believe she was thinking of you when she was creeping around with her secret lover?  Surround yourself with a few good buddies.  Start doing things to gain back this internal stability and try to impress yourself with a new project or perhaps look for a better job or even take a new class to better yourself.

8)      Freedom!!!   You are starting a new chapter.  Now you can start doing the things you didn’t have a chance to when you were with her since there was so much compromise.  Embark on a weekend trip to NYC, Vegas, or South Beach Miami on a whim.  Find happiness in other areas of your life.  You can’t make your next girlfriend happy unless you are happy first anyway.

 

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About the Author

M. Yu

M. Yu is a single, working professional who lives in New York City. She has eclectic interests, ranging from cancer research (her day job) to traveling to writing for the Relationship Category on QLR. She has an active dating life and views every life experience as a learning lesson. View all posts about healthy relationships.