The Most Important Relationship: Relationship with Thyself

Written by on July 24, 2012 in Relationships - No comments | Print this page


I’ve blogged about relationships with others, but I want to bring your attention to one of the most important relationships, if not the most important one—the relationship with yourself.  This blog is not to promote narcissism, but the relationship you have with yourself has a profound effect on the relationships you have with others.  Let’s look at the different aspects of your being:


Self-esteem is the crux of the relationship with yourself.  How do you view yourself?  Are you gentle, kind, and patient with yourself?  Treat yourself as you would treat someone who you really love.  Criticism is necessary if you want to improve yourself, but so is praise.  Criticism breaks down the inner spirit, praise builds it up.  For every criticism you make of yourself, be sure to off-set it with praise.  Praise yourself even about the little things such as you were a gentleman because you opened the door for someone or pat yourself on the back for being a good daughter or mother.  Make sure you surround yourself with people who do not put you down and also who do not make you feel bad about yourself for no good reason.  Check out the book Healing your Emotional Self by Beverly Engel.

Mental Self

Do you keep abreast on current topics?  Are you always trying to learn?  In addition to keeping up to date with topics in your professional field, try learning about something completely different fromwhat you are used to and step out of your comfort zone.  You can be a hard worker, but do not forget to take vacations.  On your vacations, completely forget about your life in the “real world” and just focus on enjoying the moment in your vacation and nothing else. Consider taking a phosphatidylserine supplement. This supplement has been shown in clinical studies to increase lucidity and rate of learning (Serby 2011).  Meditation is always good for the mental self.  It takes some patience to get proficient at meditation, but it is worth it.

Physical Self

If you don’t have your physical health, you don’t have anything.  You are only given one body, so take good care of it.  You will regret trashing your body by smoking, drinking excessively, and all the other bad habits when you lose your health and have finally realized you took it for granted.  The current recommendation is 20-30 minutes of physical exercise 3-5 times a week.  Everyone also says that if you eat a balanced diet, then  you will get all the nutrients that you need.  Well, the truth is, most people don’t.  It is much easier to prevent illnesses than to fix your health once you lose it.  Everyone needs nutrients because they are our building blocks and are necessary for many biological processes in our body.  Take a multivitamin (not all are created equally; I like GNC), omega-3 (preferably animal-based instead of plant-based; try krill oil), and antioxidants.

Your Social Being

We thrive on social interactions and touch, so it is understood that we need to foster good relationships with others.  Do not take your family members for granted and work on appreciating your friends.  Dinner parties, social events, birthday and wedding celebrations are all important.  Do not be afraid to ask others for help and offer help to others when you are able to.  Volunteering is a great way to meet people and can help you feel connected to your local community or even globally.  Like I mentioned under the self-esteem section,  keep only positive people close to you and be sure to kick out the negative and hostile people (abusive boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses).  Cut your losses.  Do not blame others for your unhappiness.  You are responsible for your own happiness and no one forced you to allow them in your life.

One highly acclaimed self-help book that I recommend is The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey.




About the Author

M. Yu

M. Yu is a single, working professional who lives in New York City. She has eclectic interests, ranging from cancer research (her day job) to traveling to writing for the Relationship Category on QLR. She has an active dating life and views every life experience as a learning lesson. View all posts about healthy relationships.