While your best friend is off dancing in the middle of the room, you’re the one making sure the coats are safe. When there’s a hot guy across the bar, you watch as a string of other girls go talk to him. Why? You’re shy.
There’s nothing wrong with being shy, of course. Most of us are a bit timid in one situation or another. However, if you’re single and chatting to new people makes you so nervous you could puke, it can be a problem.
Tip #1: Don’t think of them as potential husbands
When you meet colleagues or other women, do you have the same sort of shyness? You’re probably much more comfortable and confident. But when it comes to meeting a guy, the cold sweats start, right? That’s because you’re putting too much pressure on it all.
Think of a guy as a potential friend, or just somebody to have a one-off conversation with. Keep the whole kids, dog, and house future out of your mind, and just focus on the present. Get through the first conversation, then get through the first date, then the second date, and so on. Worry about the future in the future.
Tip #2: Stay on your home turf.
Being in a new and unknown situation can make you nervous. It’s the same for anyone, even if they don’t show it much. Being in a new place and meeting new people can be overwhelming. Stick to someplace you’ve been before.
You don’t need to be a regular, though. Just knowing where the ladies room is can give you a sense of security. If you need to take a breather, you won’t need to find a staff member to point the way. (Standing up and confidently going in the right direction can also make a great impression and give the guy the idea that you can handle yourself well.)
Tip #3: Allow yourself to fail.
This is probably the hardest thing for any woman to handle, whether you’re shy or not. Knowing that not every conversation will go well, and that not every guy will be interested, is a big thing. It’s the reality, though.
Really, you don’t want every guy to be interested. You want one guy, the right one, to be interested. There have been situations where a guy has talked to you and you’ve not felt any chemistry, and you know it’s not necessarily anything horribly wrong with him. It works the other way, too. He might not feel it, and you’ll just have to learn to be ok with that.
Make a game of it. See how many guys you can chat up in an evening, or even how many rejections you can get. Take your girlfriends out to someplace completely wrong, arm yourselves with fake numbers, and flirt with impunity, just for a bit of fun and practice.
Tip #4: Be yourself.
Shy or not, you know what you want. While it can be good to get yourself more comfortable in social situations, it’s still important that you keep true to yourself. When you get a date, you want it to be with the right type of guy. Faking a bit of confidence is good, but don’t create a false persona you can’t maintain.
This guest post was submitted by Kissy Bang Bang, a brand that takes a novel approach to sexual health.
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net