Too Many Fishies in the Sea

Written by on May 22, 2012 in Relationships - No comments | Print this page


Too Many Fishies in The Sea

New York City has about 8 million inhabitants. There are plenty of fish in the sea and I will have endless choices, right?  WRONG.  The more choices you have, the pickier you seem to get, and the more confusing it gets.  The social scientists David Myers and Robert Lane have called it the “paradox of choice,” where you are unhappier with the more choices you have.

Apply that to living in NYC.  There is a whole range of men and women you can date, from those  you meet at a poetry slam to the Wall Street executives to the cute girl working at your local mom and pop shop in your ethnically diverse neighborhood in Queens.

Well…how do I decide then?  It is good to be single in a big city.  For men, it can be heaven.  Single women between 25 and 44 far outnumber men here.  Perhaps you can go through a process of elimination, but do not cross off people just because they don’t check off every item on your list of what you look for in a perfect woman or perfect man.  This sounds clichéd, but go for someone who is not perfect, but perfect for you.  How does that person make you feel when you are around him/her?

Do not think about the “opportunity cost,” i.e., losing out on opportunities that a different option would have afforded.  Dating, in a way, gives you a chance to get to know yourself better.

So here goes the process of elimination:

Person #1) She has a child?  No thanks.

Person #2) Doesn’t know his/her limits with alcohol and gets beyond inebriated one too many times?  Not cute.

Person #3) Makes me smile?  Yes, please.  Based on those 3 experiences, you want someone who is childless, who knows his/her limits with liquor, and who makes you smile.

Learn to accept what is “good enough” and consciously do not think about the opportunities you might have missed.  There is always someone who is seemingly better than the current one.   He/she can be thinking the same thing about you.

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About the Author

M. Yu

M. Yu is a single, working professional who lives in New York City. She has eclectic interests, ranging from cancer research (her day job) to traveling to writing for the Relationship Category on QLR. She has an active dating life and views every life experience as a learning lesson. View all posts about healthy relationships.