Why It Is Hard to Spot a Person With a Violent Tendency

Written by on December 5, 2012 in Relationships - No comments | Print this page


Many times, victims of domestic violence claim that they didn’t know that they were going to get involved with partners who had a tendency to be violent. Their husbands or boyfriends (or maybe wives or girlfriends) did not show any tell-tale signs that they were aggressive or cruel. At first, they were romantic, attentive, charming – just about perfect. But little did the victims know that each of their significant others had a demon that lies within.

The Great Pretender

Take for instance Anne (not her real name). She is engaged to a seemingly wonderful guy. He was nice to all of her family and friends; brought her flowers and chocolates; got her many expensive gifts; and wined and dined her in the fanciest restaurants. So, when the guy popped the huge question, she immediately said “yes.” After they got engaged, he changed, little by little. He was still a sweet guy, but he was sometimes harsh. He shouted at her in front of her friends; jerked her by her hair when they were alone; or threw things at her.

But Anne always forgave him and took him back whenever he said that he was sorry. It’s hard to find a good guy these days; plus, her family liked him so much already. So, what’s a little fighting from time to time? This will just spice up their relationship, right? But then, the aggression became more common, and the fighting soon escalated to brutal episodes wherein Anne got cuts and bruises. One time, Anne was even brought to the hospital because she fell unconscious as she hit her head on a table; she went down because her fiancé smacked her so hard, she lost her balance. So, when is enough, enough?

Signs of an Abusive Personality

It can be so easy to just look at the good in people and overlook the bad. However, in choosing life partners, we should be extra thorough. Some individuals ignore certain characteristics in the people they love because for them, love is all about loving and accepting the entire person, which includes the good and the bad. But there should be limitations.

Sure, you can just close your eyes to certain behaviors that you hate, like when your partner is messy, overly neat, or maybe a shopaholic. But there are certain things that you should not disregard since these traits may indicate that your partner has a violent tendency. Here are some characteristics to watch out for.

– Your partner always belittles you or says nasty things about you or to you, such as saying that you’re fat, ugly and stupid.

– He hurts you physically, emotionally or mentally. Does he slap you, pull your hair, push or shove you? Does he intentionally say mean things that lower your self-esteem? Does he scare you?

– He often resorts to threats. Your partner may threaten you, your friends or your family. He might say, “I’ll kill myself if you break up with me” or something to that effect. He could also stalk you or your loved ones.

Enough is Enough

The above signs are just a few of the many indications of a violent personality. In case you or someone you love is in a dangerous relationship, there are agencies and people who can help. There are crisis centers, counseling, and other organizations that aid victims of domestic violence. Contact your area’s Domestic Violence Coalition, the authorities or a trusted attorney who can help you get a restraining order and aid you in the legal process.

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This is a guest post.  Claire Duvall is a freelance writer who regularly blogs about a variety of topics, including criminal law and personal injury cases. She also blogs for a first-rate criminal defense attorney, Elliot Savitz.


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