Your Friendship Is Ruining You

Written by on June 12, 2012 in Relationships - No comments | Print this page

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Friendships are one of the most important relationships you can have in your life.  From increased longevity to overall better health to having a strong support system, the list of benefits go on.  With many things, there can be a shelf life to a friendship.  Friendships evolve.  If you have a life-long friend who is always there for your and vice versa, then consider yourself lucky.

You need the right amount of reciprocity of affection and assistance in a friendship.  In a toxic friendship, you feel drained and unfulfilled.  You often feel worse after spending time with your friend.  You’ve noticed that she receives more than she gives and only acknowledges your existence when she wants something from you.

Does your friend always take jabs at you or put you down?  Even if she says it is “in all jest,” does it make you uncomfortable?  You know it is bad when you address your discomfort and the person brushes you off like you are being too sensitive.  Even if you are being “too sensitive,” the person should be considerate of your thoughts and feelings, especially if you brought it up.

Ask yourself if you can see this person being in your life 10 years from now.  If so, then here are some steps to salvage the friendship:

  • Recognize that your friendship is becoming toxic

If you are defending your friend all the time and trying to justify her actions in how she treats you, then it might be toxic

  • Be responsible

You are responsible for who you let in your life.  You either have to decide whether this person who is hurting you is really worth it or whether this friendship is expendable.

  • Forgive and forget?

Was there a fight over something that you felt was just too petty?  Like any relationships, communication is key.

Relationships are an important part of your health.  If you care enough about yours, then either work on addressing your issues or sever your ties. Take control of your mental health.  Remember that friendships are earned.

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About the Author

M. Yu

M. Yu is a single, working professional who lives in New York City. She has eclectic interests, ranging from cancer research (her day job) to traveling to writing for the Relationship Category on QLR. She has an active dating life and views every life experience as a learning lesson. View all posts about healthy relationships.